I know it’s really common for vegans and nonvegans to have a difficult time communicating. It can seem like there’s no common ground. But I think that a lot of times, things that are perceived as “miscommunications” are actually not at all. There are just some things that obstinate nonvegans willfully forget or refuse to believe or understand. And that’s what this post is about. 

   This might come off a little more sassy than most of my posts. In fact, most of my posts try to meet nonvegans where they’re at for the point of honest discourse and, at times, education. But I, like many vegans, do grow tired of hearing the same misunderstandings hurled at me ad infinitum. 

   And there are some, in particular, that really get on my nerves. Not because of their ignorance, but because of their presumptuous nature. Just because you’re not vegan and I am doesn’t mean we’re doomed to have an argument at any given moment. And I am willing to discuss much more than you might expect. But there are a few things that just get me feeling frustrated that people say a lot. Let’s call them: what nonvegans tend to forget. 

I’m not missing out on anything

   You might be surprised how many people tell me I’m missing out. On bacon hot fudge sundaes wrapped in a pizza…or whatever we’re talking about. And it always makes me cringe. 

   Because, here’s the thing. I wasn’t born vegan. It’s a choice that I made, on purpose, fully realizing what I’d have to give up. My childhood was filled with omelet breakfasts, pizza parties, cake and ice cream, and when we could afford it, pork ribs (which were my favorite back then). I looked forward to these things just like you do now, and I know the very real pick me up that they can be at the end of a long day or to look forward to for your birthday, and so on. 

   And I want to mention that there are new vegan options coming out all the time. We’re in this really exciting time where going vegan doesn’t have to mean giving up all of these treats anymore. 

   But back when I first went vegan in 2013, there were far fewer options and I lived in a family that couldn’t fathom spending money we hardly had on these vegan replacement products. My point is, I knew what this would mean. I made an informed decision that even though I loved the taste of these things, I could no longer rationalize the decision of consuming them. My conscience wouldn’t let me. 

   I wasn’t always vegan. And you know what? Neither were most vegans. We’re not “missing out”. We know what you’re eating, we know it’s probably delicious. We’ve decided not to partake. So don’t feel sorry for us. 

Vegans are human too

   So you already know this, I know. But I think sometimes it becomes easy to forget, all the same. A vegan is just a person who has made the decision to practice veganism. 

   What I mean is, we’re not necessarily an expert on the facts or stats of veganism. Most of us don’t sit around memorizing the bullet points in order to pull out any time someone asks. So if you want to know about these things, we might not have a prepared answer. We might need to look things up, just like you might. 

   Not only that, but vegans sometimes let our emotions get the best of us. Like I said, we’re only human. And when we’re talking ethical veganism, it’s a pretty emotional subject because we’re talking about a widespread, chronic injustice. 

   So if we seem tense or emotional, that doesn’t mean we don’t have the facts. These days, people want to discredit your argument if you get “too emotional”. But if you ask me, getting upset about unfairness and atrocities is just human. I know it is uncomfortable, trying to talk about something you consider to be casual when someone else is looking you in the face and saying “this is wrong”, getting super upset. But please, instead of writing us off immediately for our emotions, try to first understand why we’re so upset. 

I don’t think I’m better than you but I do think veganism is a better choice

   Okay, listen. Because I hear this one an awful lot, and frankly, I’m getting tired of it.  I don’t think I’m “better than you” just because I’m vegan. 

   People say, “Oh, those vegans, they think they’re better than everyone else.” For most of us, that couldn’t be further from the truth. I won’t deny that there are some narcissistic, holier than thou vegans, just like any other group of people. But that really isn’t an inherent trait to vegans. 

   I do, however, think that ethical veganism is the right thing to do. If I didn’t think that is was the right decision, I never would have gone vegan, much less stayed this way. 

   I think this one might be a sort of projection. If you believe you’re better than others when you make better decisions, you’re bound to assume that other’s psyche will work the same way. But veganism is weird, at least for me. 

   When I first went vegan, I had a sort of revelation. Yes, about what we do to animals and how it’s wrong. But also about the world around me. Because I see just how common it is to use, abuse and kill animals without a second thought. We’re told that it’s okay by our culture. And maybe puppies and kittens get a free pass over here in the west, but that’s about it. 

   The longer I stayed vegan, the more life kept reflecting this truth back to me: good people do bad things all the time. Sometimes, it’s ignorance. Others, it’s manipulation or even laziness or extenuating circumstances. The point is, the world isn’t black and white like “good things=good person”. And I have to admit, sometimes I wish it were that simple. But I’m well aware it is not. 

Why we argue

   But that’s the stinker, because if I understand you to be a good person who’s being misled by ignorance and manipulation, my only recourse is to share the truth with you. If I didn’t think you were a good person, I probably wouldn’t bother. 

   The problem is, the truth behind the ethics of veganism is harsh. And when you’ve been doing something a certain way your whole life, someone telling you “this is wrong” is going to sound a lot like a confrontation. 

   I’m not going to say that vegans don’t sometimes get overzealous, in terms of conversation. I understand that there is a certain point where you lose your goodwill for further conversation when you’re being yelled at and so on and so forth. But the topics that vegans are grappling with really are quite emotional. The facts of the matter are as follows:

   Animals’ lives are terminated every single day in large numbers, simply for our pleasure, comfort and entertainment. Not only that, but their lives are commodified from the moment they are born. They are bred to be used and die. 

   We say we value life to the point where people argue against terminating a fetus who has the potential for life, and yet animals who already have emotions and experiences are literally born to be used and killed…and hardly anyone cares. Good people, reasonable people. Hardly anyone cares because we like the way they taste and the way their skin can be turned into purses, etc. This is the frustration of the vegan. It is not that we feel we have to confront you and call you a bad person. It is that we know you are good, we know you are being misled to take part in something you wouldn’t otherwise advocate for. Something so egregious, if you weren’t conditioned to believe it’s fine, you wouldn’t imagine paying for in a million years. This is the current state of the animal agriculture industry. 

Not all vegans are the same

   And I also want to say, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that some vegans are obnoxious. I don’t feel that anyone deserves to be disrespected—animals or people. I know there are many vegans who use certain tactics of discussion and argumentation that are ineffective and cross over into disrespect and I hate to admit that I’ve done it myself from time to time. I’m trying to be better, as a vegan and as a person. Because nonvegans deserve it, the animals deserve it, and really, this whole world deserves it. 

   There are also vegans who themselves advocate for what I consider to be abhorrent positions alongside veganism. Like white supremacy or militant anti-natalism, for instance. And those things really have nothing to do with veganism. I understand that since vegans are already such a small group, it might be difficult to differentiate between the nuances of opinion in it. But there are many. If you’d like to learn about different kinds of vegans, I suggest you check out this post I wrote previously on this site. Nonetheless, please understand. Not all vegans are the same. We don’t all agree with each other and we don’t all even know each other. One may make an argument that another finds bonkers, and the only person you should hold accountable for that argument is the person who made it. 

In Conclusion

   I want to thank you for reading my thoughts today. If you got through all of these and really took in their message, I’m even more appreciative. I don’t often speak so candidly about my frustrations with nonvegans for fear that it will derail my conversations about the animals and the world around us, and as such, I don’t imagine this sort of conversation will make up much of the content on my site in the future. However, if you’re interested in more vegan content, I’d recommend subscribing to the blog for email updates. And if you’re a nonvegan with a lot of questions about veganism, check out my series about questions for vegans, which you can access by clicking here. And as usual, have a great day!