The short answer is yes. In fact I’ve never dated a vegan. However, there are things to take into consideration and this sort of relationship is not for everyone. Here are some things to think about. 

Logistics

   Here’s the thing, it’s all fun and games in the beginning. You meet a new person and you’re really excited and you think they’re great, and so anything seems possible. And it is, as long as you’re both willing to work toward a common goal. 

   I find that it’s good to set the ground rules and expectations as early as possible. This gives everyone involved more time to adjust and think things over. There are two main areas of logistics that you will want to look at. 

The everyday

   So it might not seem like that big of a deal when you’re first dating, but little things tend to build up over time and as you get more involved, things become clear: you need a general game plan for how things are going to go, and it needs to be one that all involved parties can work with. 

   For instance, how do meals together work? How about when you’re cooking or shopping? Especially if you want to move in together, these are things you really have to think about. Everyone needs to be clear on what they are and are not willing to put up with. It also helps to make distinctions between the ideal and the necessities, for both sides. 

   Now, these kinds of everyday details and boundaries may shift and change overtime, as people’s minds and hearts change. As you test them out you may realize that what you thought would work really isn’t, or that something doesn’t bother you quite as much as you thought it would. It’s important to be clear with each other, but also leave space for these kinds of realizations, and be willing to work through them, should they come up. 

How about holidays and special occasions? 

   Now, here’s the other end of the stick—special days. This may be more of a problem for some couples than others, but I do think it’s worth differentiating between the two. A lot of people have different expectations when it comes to holidays. Their emotions are on high and they’re mired in a sense of nostalgia and tradition. 

   It’s important to ask and really reflect on the question, “what do we all need to feel okay on the holiday?” Be open with yourself and your partner about what you need, and find the emotional space to listen to them too. That’s the only way you’ll be able to meet in a place where everyone will be okay. 

   Make sure to talk over what sorts of emotional needs and social obligations you have. Be open, be honest, and be frank, but also, be gentle with your lover’s heart. They’re a special person to you, and this is an intimate subject. 

For the vegan

   As the vegan in the relationship, I’ve learned a thing or two about loving a meat eater. So here are some tips for you. 

1) Make them food

   I’m sure you’ve heard that the way to someone’s heart is through their stomach. Now, while this is obviously not the only way there, sharing some good food certainly helps. 

   There’s just something human about sitting down and sharing some food. It’s joyful and intimate and an important part of close relationships. It’s also a good way to introduce vegan food to people who may not have known that it could taste good. This will make them more open to vegan food in the future, and honestly, it’s just great for everyone to share a really delicious vegan meal. 

2) Remember you’re not less vegan just because of your nonvegan partner

   It’s easy to get down on yourself sometimes. And since we feel like our partners are such a big part of ourselves, it can make you feel like you’re not “really vegan” when you’re hanging around nonvegan loved ones a lot. If you feel hesitant to talk about vegan issues with them, especially. It can feel like you’re not doing enough for the animals, like you’re complicit in the actions of others. 

   I think it’s a really important life lesson to learn. Your actions and lifestyle choices are your own, and the same goes for everyone else. You can only do so much to influence people’s habits and you are not at fault for their lack of interest in veganism. 

   If you’re somebody with this challenge, you may also want to look at the other ways in which it manifests itself in your life. Because listen, holding yourself responsible for other people’s actions is an ugly path to go down. All you can do is look at your own habits and actions and hone them. Live by example as much as you can, and yes, use your sphere of influence when possible. But you can’t make somebody do something they don’t want to do. And one of the hardest things about going vegan is realizing that not everybody is going to do it with you. 

3) Just because your veganism is for the animals doesn’t mean it’s selfish to have boundaries

   So here’s something. Being an ethical vegan doesn’t make you less human or preclude you from having feelings and needs about things. 

   I bring this up because so many vegans see all the horrible ways we treat animals and expect themselves to all of a sudden become superhuman. We see our privilege and think “how on earth can I put myself first when this world is hurting so many innocent individuals?” It’s not just vegans either, it happens to all sorts of activists. 

   The thing is, you need to be realistic with yourself. And sometimes that means that you’re going to have feelings and emotional needs that have to be attended to. Sometimes people forget that. Some days you might be worn too thin to be able to produce proper animal advocacy, or to talk about your veganism at all. And it’s not about saying “it’s okay”, but it is about realizing the reality of that fact. No one can fight and be a beacon all the time.

   If you know that you’re not able to make a compelling point about veganism/animal advocacy right now, allow yourself to step back from the conversation. Sometimes the best advocacy is to simply not make things worse. And as much as I too want to save and change this world, we need to be cognizant of that fact. 

4) Remember why you love your partner, even though they aren’t vegan

   The final tip is, I would say, the most important for the vegan to keep in mind for the longevity of the relationship. You need to keep reminding yourself why you fell in love with your partner. 

   Now, this is important for anyone in a relationship, but especially for this topic. You fell for your partner for a myriad of reasons outside of veganism. You loved them so much that you decided that you could make this work, even though they don’t agree with you on something so important. And on the days when it’s painful or frustrating, it’s important to think about that. 

   Think about all the reasons that you liked them. You liked them so much that you wanted to spend time with them. Those things are still there. They’re still the same person that you knew in the beginning. And for me, that was enough, both in the beginning of the relationship, and now. All of those things that I learned and grew to love about my partner remind me that they’re the one I want to spend my time with, even though I know they’re not vegan. 

For the nonvegan

   Now, since I’m the vegan in the relationship, I knew I would have to talk to my partner about this piece. So, here are some tips for the other side of the coin. From someone who’s been dating a vegan for six years now. 

1) Don’t ask them to cook meat

   So maybe your vegan lover is accepting of the fact that you’re not vegan. But that doesn’t mean that they want to grill you up a steak. Now, this isn’t universal, but many vegans don’t like to cook nonvegan foods. It’s emotionally unfair. If they’re vegan because they feel that killing and using animals is wrong, you’re going to be putting them through a lot of distress by expecting them to cook nonvegan things for you—especially meat which is just pieces of dead animals’ bodies. 

   Not asking them to do this for you shows respect and thoughtfulness. When you become an ethical vegan, it’s a whole paradigm shift. So what you see in a raw chicken breast is not what your vegan partner sees. If you want to eat meat, take care of that yourself. Don’t involve someone who thinks it’s wrong. 

2) Be willing to try new foods

   However, this doesn’t mean that you have to stop eating around each other altogether. Actually, it’s great to get interested in vegan food. You’ll have to try new things, but learning to cook together and getting involved in their food scene is great for a relationship. 

   Not to mention, you’re likely to find new favorites. If you’re unfamiliar with vegan food, this may come as a surprise to you, but it can be pretty darn good. You won’t like everything, obviously. I don’t know any vegans who like all vegan food either. But the more you get involved and experiment with your partner, the more techniques and recipes you’ll find that really work for the two of you. You just have to be open to trying.

3) Don’t try to convince them to stop being vegan 

   So, this one is a tip to avoid argument. This is one my partner says he wishes he would have known in the very beginning, and I have to agree with him. Don’t try to get your partner to not be vegan anymore. 

   Making the decision to go vegan is a big deal. It takes a lot of consideration and empathy for someone to decide to change their lifestyle on behalf of others they’ll never meet. For you to advocate against all that is incredibly insensitive, and believe me, it’ll cause a lot of fights. 

   Plus, when someone makes such a big decision for such good reasons, it’s not a good look to stand in opposition of that. You look like someone who’s against personal growth and introspection, which is both a tired and toxic stance.

4) Be a supportive partner

   Furthermore, do what you can to be a supportive partner. This is good advice for everyone, but it’s a skill you might want to brush up on if you’re dating a vegan. 

   Not everyone will be as enthralled with your partner as you are, that’s an obvious truth. But when your partner is also vegan, there may be people in your life that view that as an inconvenience. Be prepared to make statements like, “they’re doing this for good reasons” and “actually, vegan food can be pretty good”. 

   That supportive attitude will not only get you brownie points with the person you’re dating, but it’ll also help ease the concerns of your social circles. If they see that you’re comfortable with your partner’s veganism, they know they don’t have to worry so much about it being a potential problem. 

5) Be mindful of your kisses

   This is a more of a silly little extra, but we both agreed to put it in here because wow it can be true—consider what your breath and mouth are like before kissing your partner. Most vegans really don’t want a mouthful of secondhand cheese and pepperoni, and the smells and tastes of nonvegan food can sometimes be quite pungent. 

   Essentially, treat nonvegan food as you would a dish with tons of garlic. See where your partner stands on kissing you when you’ve been eating certain things, and lean on your hygiene habits to straighten out the halitosis. 

When it won’t work

   Like I said, I don’t believe this kind of a romantic connection can inherently work for everyone. But that’s no different than any relationship. Really, there needs to be a basis of respect for and from each party, and a willingness to be together, despite your differences. 

   Quite frankly, I think there are people (both vegan and non) who would not be willing to have this kind of relationship, and may only continue on in it in hopes of convincing their partner to change. And that is exactly the attitude that makes it all fall apart. 

   It’s not just veganism, it’s a common issue in relationships. When we first meet someone, we’re often entranced by their differences. We think they’re so cool and special and interesting—a whole other person, interested in us. But as time goes by, we start to want to possess them, and mold them in our image. And that’s not fair. 

   Not only is it not fair, but it’s unrealistic to expect your partner to become you. You liked them because they were different from you. Now, I don’t know anyone who falls in love with someone because of their vegan status, but the fact stands that you fell in love with them despite this difference. And if you want to continue with the relationship you agreed to, then you’ll need to work around the issues that arise because of this difference. 

   If the two of you are unable to accept each other’s lifestyles and unwilling to bridge the gap in a satisfactory way, it’s not going to work out. That’s not necessarily a failing on your part, some things are just not meant to be. I think this is something that we overlook—boundaries are so entirely personal. What is okay for one person might be toxic for another. It’s not fair to try to force something that just won’t work, for either of you. 

Vegan or Nonvegan, we’re all people

   I think it’s easy to get caught up in someone’s vegan status sometimes, on both sides for different reasons. And I don’t blame people for feeling this way. Veganism is an intense topic, after all. It brings up a lot of feelings that we tend to keep under the surface as we go throughout our daily lives. And when those conversations are awakened, it’s true, things can get a bit uncomfortable. If you want some suggestions for questions to ask, subscribe to the blog and stay tuned for the post, which is coming soon.

   But remember, most of all, we’re all human. Truly, we’ve got a lot of things in common. Likes, dislikes, interests. If you love someone (or heck, even if you really like them) and you’re willing to be in this kind of relationship, conceptually speaking, then there’s no reason you shouldn’t go for it. 

   It’s true, the vegan/nonvegan romantic connection presents some unique challenges that other couples won’t have to deal with, but that’s every relationship.  And I know that some will balk at this stance, but love can transcend almost anything, when it’s the right person. So never say never.