I’ve had my fair share of Thanksgiving celebrations, in all different forms. And as you can imagine, once going vegan, things change a little bit. And I wanted to talk about that with you all today, in anticipation for the coming holiday. Especially with all of you newer vegans. Because if this is your first thanksgiving as a vegan, you may not know quite what to expect. So let’s dive in, shall we?

The holiday, as it stands

   Ah, thanksgiving. What an interesting thing. In general, it’s supposed to be a day that we celebrate what we’re thankful for. All of the blessings we feel life has given us. 

   And depending on who you are, you’re going to start off with different associations with this day already. Because if you live in the US, the history behind thanksgiving is mired in colonialism and to be honest, things that really should make us uncomfortable. I, however, was taught that alongside of the things life has given us, as US residents, we ought to also pay respects to our native population, both on this day and in general. 

   I think that it’s worth bringing up what has happened in our past. How this country was built on people coming in and expecting everything else to be pushed aside, including the lives and well-being or those who are considered “inconvenient” or “unnecessary”. 

   And while you may see this as a bit of a tangent from vegans at thanksgiving, I would argue that it’s not. Maybe it’s a hot take, but not a lot has changed since those days of subjugating a population who inhabited this land before you. Not only in how we legislate our laws, but also in our treatment of individuals. And those individuals include animals too. 

   I see more and more people becoming woke about the US history of mistreating minority groups or just in general, people who are not like them. And I think that’s so important. I also think that we can take that one step further and acknowledge our treatment of the nonhuman animals who are inhabiting the planet with us. 

Thanksgiving, the food!

   And enter, veganism. Somehow, a holiday mired in vague gratitude and muddied with xenophobia has been watered down to a gathering of family and friends where we gorge on food and kickstart our holiday feasting. And feast we do. 

   It’s amazing how Thanksgiving has seemingly become simply a meal. Or, if you want to be more precise, a day all about food. If you’re the only vegan at the table, well, that can be daunting. There are a myriad of concerns you might be having right now. And to be honest, even as a seasoned holiday vegan, they don’t entirely go away. But I can tell you this. With a little bit of foresight and know-how, you can get the holiday to a place where you’re not completely dreading it. And that’s what I’m hoping to lend to you today. There’s a lot to cover, so buckle in and let’s get going. 

Eating before you go?

   So here’s an old piece of advice, eat before you go. And believe it or not, I think it has its place. 

   If you’re spending the day with a group that ensures your only vegan options will be some raw carrots and a side of cranberry sauce, then it makes sense to make yourself some food to eat before you go. But that’s mainly if you either A) have very little agency or B) have taken the liberation pledge and do not share in meals where animals are being eaten. Both of which are valid situations, by the way. 

   If you have taken the liberation pledge, I would suggest making a nice holiday feast for yourself. You deserve fun as well. Eat it at home while they’re eating, and come when they’re done for the mutual relaxing afterwards. Or hang out with everyone before and then leave for your own meal. Either way works out. 

   And then there’s the agency bit. You see, some people have only one group they are invited to join for the holiday, and it’s one that’s not accepting of veganism. If this is you, I do recommend finding ways around that. Whether it’s having some difficult talks or finding others who value you as you are. However, in the meantime, if you find that you feel more comfortable grabbing some raw celery stalks off the appetizer plate and just grazing, I would very much advise you to plan your own meal as well. Whether that’s before or after the event.

Bring something delicious

   For most vegans though, it makes more sense to bring along some food to eat there with everyone else. 

   For me, my favorite thing to do is bring one main dish and two sides. This means that even if there’s nothing else for me to eat, I’ll have a full meal. For me, a nice casserole with something fruity and some vegetables gives me some nice color to my plate and variety to my palate. But just bring your favorite food, whatever it happens to be right now. 

   And remember to always bring some extra to share with anyone who might want to try. Holidays might have a lot of other food around, that’s true. But it’s also a great time for nonvegan friends and family members to try some new foods in a way that seems less threatening to them. If they really like something you bring, you may find that they’ll ask you to bring more next year. 

The feelings

   But it’s not just about the food logistics, is it? The truth is, the traditional Thanksgiving presentation of the meal can be pretty distressing for vegans and vegetarians alike. With a big production often made about carving the turkey and who gets the wishbone. The prominent presentation of a corpse can be emotionally exhausting. 

   Not only that, but the hypocrisy of being thankful for all that life has given to you while celebrating by taking the life of an animal is…well, tragically ironic. 

   I cope with this scene by preparing myself before anything else. I check in with myself and say “okay, there’s going to be a lot of talk about how good the turkey tastes. That’s going to feel upsetting but I’m going to be okay. I know that my family isn’t vegan and while that might also be upsetting, this may not be a productive time to talk about it.”

   I remember that it’s not my decision to kill, buy, or eat this bird. And I remember that spending this day with my family or friends is the decision I made for various reasons. While it doesn’t take away the frustration, anger or pain the animals or I feel about any of these things, it does help me cope. 

   I also do a little bit of seating chart finagling as well. If you can choose your seat at the table, then you may be able to sit next to certain dishes (like the salad or the things that you brought, for example) and further away from the more upsetting ones with dead bodies and excretions. 

   You could also do with an ally at the table who is willing to sit next to you and do the passing of these items to others if need be. Not everyone has one but if you have someone who is close to you and supportive of your veganism and feelings, that is a way they can help you out, should you need it. 

The banter

   So here’s another aspect of thanksgiving a lot of vegans worry about—the back and forth with people who just don’t support or get what you’re all about. 

   I’m not going to lie to you and say that you’re worried about nothing. This sort of teasing or full on arguing does happen sometimes at these kinds of events. However, I can assure that it does get less over time. When you first go vegan in a family of meat eaters, it is quite interesting to them. They may like to mock or argue about it to prove you wrong. But over time, it gets less and less interesting and becomes just another aspect of who you are that they learn to accept. 

   But there are also different ways of dealing with this too. And in my opinion, it really depends on your personality. You may make the decision that you don’t want to talk about your veganism at all on holidays, or while you’re at the table, etc. and that’s valid. If they want to engage with you in a conversation about veganism, you can tell them that they can ask you about it another day and you’ll be happy to discuss it then, but not right now. 

Standing your ground

   Or you might decide that you want to stand up for yourself and the animals, particularly if the person is being especially unkind or rude. And if this is your approach, I do want to caution you a bit against too much aggression. I know that sounds like a carnist complaining about militant vegans, but that’s not why I’m saying it. 

   What I mean is, it’s very easy for meat eaters to look at a conflict and blame it on the one vegan in the group, especially if they’re not used to one being around. They’re prone to think things like “we didn’t fight before you were vegan”. And it may only be because they were rude, but it’s easy to be misconstrued in this way. You don’t have to placate or agree with them, but err on the side of caution and respect. Remember it’s not rude to point out someone’s rudeness, but offering a fight in return will not be looked kindly on. 

   I would advise you to try and find the right balance between standing your ground and not picking a fight. For me, it was very important in the beginning to make it clear to certain individuals that I would not tolerate them making fun of me for this. I wasn’t about to become the butt of the joke simply because I don’t want to eat animals. But I also made it clear that I wasn’t interested in debating the subject either. If they are curious and want to talk about veganism, then I’m here. But I’m not here for their petty jokes.

   And this approach has worked pretty well for me over the years. The teasing died down about a year in and now nobody’s asking me if I’m “still vegan”. They know I am. And it’s fine. 

Make it about thankfulness as much as possible

   I find that when you’re going to a traditional thanksgiving, it helps to make it quite conceptual. Talk with the family about thankfulness and what they’re thankful for and use it as a time to really reflect on the subject yourself. 

   Gratitude is a beautiful practice and a great mutual ground to meet each other on. And it also makes for a pretty good distraction. For them, to distract them from your veganism, but also for you, to cope with their lack of it. 

   And if you’re in a social group that really isn’t much for thankfulness, try to play up whatever other traditions you have that are still doable for you. For instance, watching the game or the parade, or going for an after-meal walk. As much as thanksgiving can feel like a day all about food, there are probably aspects of it that don’t revolve around the corpse of a turkey that you can still participate in. 

Try hosting a thanksliving! 

   And if you find it really emotionally detrimental to go to this holiday, then maybe it’s time to make your own. 

   There are vegans who decide “that’s it, I’m making my own thanksgiving from now on.” And this is a great idea for anyone who’s looking to escape “turkey day”. 

   For a lot of people, this might overlap with a “Friendsgiving”, where you’ll invite your friends in place of the more traditional blood related guests. Often when vegans feel the need to have their own thanksgiving, it’s because family may be overly hostile about the concept of veganism. However, I do encourage to invite anyone who you enjoy that may want to come. The more, the merrier, right?

  This way, by having your own event, you can insure that all food and activities will be vegan beforehand. You won’t have to debate or argue about it or manage overwhelming feelings on the big day.

   And I assure you, you can make some really good food for thanksliving. If this idea interests you, check out our next post all about setting up a Thanksliving of your own.